Day 5: I Just Want to Go Home

Silver City, New Mexico
Today I felt tired and unmotivated. I just wanted to go home, just like some kid who is sent on a camping trip. All my friends and fans are so great. I just feel exhausted for so many reasons.   

I went to visit my long time Silver City friends for breakfast this morning, then I left Silver City at about 11am to drive to Bisbee, AZ. On the drive to Bisbee I thought about my life as a musician. 

Lately I've been declaring "I was anti-established in 1999". That's about 23 years ago that I started performing under the name "Fast Heart Mart"!!! That's a really long time! If someone were to ask why I've stuck with it all these years, I'd answer "because nothing else has ever made more sense to me". I've had "real jobs" all along the way, including working as a car tire technician, working with mentally disabled adults for 8 years, mosquito control, and video production, but every "real job" I've ever had left me longing to play my music. so when I was 40 I decided I would never try any other job again and I promised myself I would be a musician for the rest of my life. That was 5 years ago. It's been great! I've made plenty of money to pay my bills and I have really improved my skills as a musician A LOT! However, the current circumstances in the world have made it harder than ever for me to continue. 

Right now, in the spring of 2022, I am struggling more than ever to make a living. Why? I think there are many reasons. I will list them now 

1 I bought a bunch of new music gear to help my online presence and now I have a pretty substantial loan payment. I've always kept my expenses low, but right now I feel like I need to take a risk and invest in some new equipment so I can sound and look good online. I know it will pay off, but for now it puts a bit of stress on my emotions and on my wallet. 

2 Some of my regular venues are not booking me anymore. I think some venues are aware of my stance on the C!9 mRNA injections I believe it should be a choice and with all due respect, I choose not to take it. I think everyone on all sides should be respected for their choices) and they are black listing me. There is a particular venue in Bisbee that I play at almost every time I come through, but they won't write me back anymore. 

3 I've lost fans for the same reason above. Less fans equals less money. My Patreon account was looking pretty good before I started speaking out about medical freedom. I think I've also lost quite a few friends over the issue. It's all such a shame because I feel like I'm tolerant of their choices, why can't they be tolerant of my choices? 

4 Gas prices are high. Fortunately I drive a Toyota Prius, so it's not as bad. The gas prices make me want to stay home in San Diego and just ride my bike everywhere, only playing gigs that are close enough to my apartment for me to ride my bike to. 

5 Busking has become so much more competitive everywhere I go. I used to be able to go just about anywhere and make money playing music on the street, but now there are so many buskers that sometimes it's difficult to even find a good spot. 

6 I think less people are coming out to shows these days. I think some people are still reluctant to go out because of the C!9 virus, which is understandable. I also think people just want to get their entertainment on YouTube and Netflix, and again I can't blame them. I used to make a lot of money selling CDs, but then digital streaming became the thing and live shows were the way to make money. Now that live shows have been stymied it seems like the way to make money os online, somehow. And that's why I've invested in a bunch of equipment to help my online presence and hopefully make more money there.   

Anyways, I played the show at St. Elmo's in Bisbee, Arizona tonight and it went really well. Not much money, but the crowd was really great. And I opened for Brea Burns, one of my favorite musicians these days. She's just so wonderful! 

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